Affirming Others Requires Us to Pay Attention to Them

Are you listening to your loved ones? Are you truly listening? Are you paying attention?

According to them, why do they do the things that frustrate you so much?

Do you know the answer to that question?

But do you actually know the answer to that question?

Chances are, if we truly listened to those we are in relationship with, they can articulate quite clearly why they do the things they do (even if those things seem “crazy” to us).

Let’s take a very simple (well, on the surface) example.

Let’s say you’re completely baffled at your loved one’s ability to keep using substances despite negative consequences. Let’s also say that your loved one says that use because they feel so unworthy and undeserving of love. Let’s say they feel they have nothing to offer or contribute. Let’s say they feel like a relationship failure who is hopeless to ever “improve.” Let’s say they really, really want to change because they want to show you how much they love you but just keep slipping up.

Most of us can connect with the feeling that we’re unloved, unworthy, undeserving. Almost everyone struggles with those feelings at some time or another. This may open the door for a little empathy.

For instance, “I really appreciate your desire to change even though you’re struggling emotionally.”

Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.

Ephesians 4:29