Going Deeper (In Your Conversations)

Sometimes conversations “fail” (too strong of a word, but you’ll see what I mean in a second) not because something bad has happened but because they are unsatisfying. We’re not getting to the places we want to with our friends, loved ones, spouses, etc. Why do we struggle to deepen conversations?

I don’t know that there’s a clear answer to that question. One of the things I notice, though, is that sometimes we try too hard. Sometimes we think a better, more interesting topic is going to be the thing that deepens a conversation. Sometimes we think it’s being relatable by sharing similar stories about ourselves in response to stories our conversation partner is telling us.

These are certainly not “wrong” by any means. But sometimes a simpler approach helps a conversation explore new depths. Asking “open-ended” questions can be just the thing we need.

What is an open-ended question? It’s a question that does not have a “yes” or “no” (or otherwise one word) answer. A few examples:

“How are you feeling about that?”

“What do you think you’re going to do next?”

“How do you manage your anxiety?”

These are all examples of questions that serve as a “launching point” for the other person to share more about what is going on with themselves. If people are being offered the opportunity to share more, then the conversation has a chance to deepen.

And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. 25 Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25, CEB