Failure to Launch

Yesterday we looked at an example of how an invalidating response to a conversation starter can prevent the conversation from deepening. It went like this:

Brittany: Hey, I know I said would get the trash out this morning and Norah was going crazy and it just didn’t happen

Scott: You know that we’re going to get fined next week since we’ll have to put out two weeks of trash now, right?

A validating response would look something like this: “I know exactly how all consuming it can be to deal with a toddler who is melting down.” When you respond with validation, the conversation can go where it needs to go. It doesn’t get trapped in a cycle of defensiveness.

So, let’s say Brittany was really struggling with being home alone too much, she can then say, “It is really all consuming and it’s really wearing me out. Would it be possible to put Norah in preschool one extra day per week so that my margins aren’t so thin?”

The conversation started with trash and validation allowed it to go deeper: Brittany needs more time for...whatever, it doesn’t matter it’s hypothetical. Let’s say she needs more time to work on her business, or to rest, or to see friends, it really doesn’t matter. She had a need that she needed to express and an invalidating response prevented that from coming out.

And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. 25 Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25, CEB