Day 25: The Power of Soul Friends

It seems like it should be easy to show up for the people we love. I’m just not that great at it. It helps me to learn new ways of being, so that I can do better. One thing I have learned over the years is the importance of having the capacity to see the person as they really are, not who we wish them to be. This requires the wherewithal to hold their potential and their problem areas in tension – accepting both the possibilities for their life and the present day realities in a loving, if sometimes uneasy tension.

In his book, Sacred Companions, David Benner writes:

“Spiritual friends are soul friends. This means that they care for each other as whole people, not simply as spiritual beings. Soul friends become spiritual friends when they seek to help each other attend and respond to God.”

I love Benner’s word choices. What more beautiful way can we assist (or receive aid ourselves) when we are overcome than to have a friend who will help us attend and respond to God? Now, the truth is, hurting people do not always know or even want to attend and respond to God. No problem. They’re hurting. They do not need to wrestle with that just now. But a soul friend can know that and show up as a God representative. A soul friend shows up and bears witness to the unseen but clearly known stickers plastered to their friend’s heart that read: FRAGILE - HANDLE WITH CARE. And, THIS SIDE UP.

Attending and responding to God may involve asking more questions than it does giving instruction. It may require more encouragement than exhortation (certainly both are appropriate but soul friends have the discernment to know when to use what as a way of helping others). Notice the emphasis – it is providing a space in the life of a hurting person that enables them to listen to God more than focus on how to fix the problem at hand. They do not have to be acutely aware that it is God they are focusing on; it’s ok for them to think that it was their friend that made them a cup of hot tea and served them three gingerbread men with extra frosting. It feels like a cool breeze is blowing through my heart when I think of the delicious possibilities that soul friendship presents each of us.

Lord, teach us how to be this kind of friend to those who welcome it.