Beware of the Shared Enemy

What is the value of a "shared enemy"? It is a quick but fake way to build a sense of connection. A few years ago, before the world closed for the pandemic, Pete and I were given the lovely opportunity to go to a UVA football game in the middle of our vacation. Pastor's families do not get lots of opportunities to go to weekend sporting events, so this was a treat. It had been awhile since we had seen our alma mater play football and we were happy to drive up from our vacation rental for a game.

It rained. It poured. It was like a monsoon without rescue boats. Pete wanted to stand under the shelter but I figured we were already drenched, what good would that do? I wanted to sit among our people and root for the home team. It turns out, it is possible to get so wet under these conditions that you cannot even peel cash out of your wallet to buy a hot chocolate. Water pools in places that I cannot disclose on a blog. But it was a blast!

Our fellow Wahoos joined together and cheered and jeered and smiled and rolled our eyes at one another with great abandon - although we personally knew not one soul around us. We bonded over the insanity of sitting in a pool of water as the field began to look better suited for the swim team than football.

It was completely fake. It felt good, but it wasn't real. We do not really know any of those people. We shared a moment, not a life. And that's the problem with gaining connection by bonding with folks who think and feel and believe as we do. There is no "ironing sharpening iron" as the proverbs encourage. There is no conflict or opportunities to question ourselves. This is bad. Very very bad.

Try not to bond over a "shared enemy" if you can help it. Because it may unintentionally put people you love in the category of "enemy" and that, that right there? That would be a tragedy.