Rating your listening skills

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

~ Steven R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People


When we listen to reply we risk teaching others that we care more about our perspective than theirs. This makes for relationship disconnections.


My husband is a good listener. Over dinner he asks specifically about the outcomes of the various things I experienced that day because he remembered (and cared about) my schedule for the day (which of course I shared in gruesome detail before leaving our home). He is a quiet kind of guy and most would rightly assume he has mad listening skills. But simply being quiet does not mean that he is a guaranteed good listener. There are many components involved in listening, but before we get to tactics, let’s evaluate reality.

Challenge: First, rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 - How good are you at listening?

Next, ask others: “On a scale of 1 (I have cotton stuffed in my ears) to 10 (I am an Olympian listener), how would you rate me as a listener?” Record your scores, and ask as many people as possible without getting locked up for creepy behavior.

How does your score compare with theirs?

Let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance—
~ Proverbs 1:5, NIV