Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional positive regard is not the same thing as living life in denial. It is not saying that everything about everyone is peachy. One night my husband and I went to back-to-school night for our kindergarteners. (I’m too old to remember which one).


I do remember that the teacher was warm and kind and peppy and lovely AND all the dads volunteered to be the room mother. This was a first and last experience in the history of back-to-school nights.


She had some advice for us that I have never forgotten. She said, “Your child will come home with many stories and you will be tempted to send me emails, call me, or on occasion call the police. I understand. But in your decision making, please remember that your child also comes to school and tells me lots of stories about home. I try hard to NOT believe everything they tell me about you; I hope you will do the same for me!”


We all chuckled but it was true. We are quick to judge. We are slow to cut others slack. Unconditional positive regard considers the whole person - the good, the bad, the ugly, the best and the potential. It takes into account that most of the time, most of us are doing the best we can. It releases us from the demand for perfection and our tendency to have unrealistic expectations of humanity. It is a very lovely way to live.


CHALLENGE: Think long and hard. Ask yourself: What’s my vibe? Am I suspicious? Respectful? Paranoid? Curious? Pollyanna? Proud? Anxious? Rude? Blunt? Kind? What is my disposition toward others?


It matters.