Keeping communication clear is better for everybody

Accurate empathy is about checking to make sure that the speaker’s intended message is accurately received by the listener. Both folks in the conversation can take responsibility for checking to make sure that message sent is clear, and the message received is accurate. Not only do we want to check for accuracy, we want to take the extra time to validate the “rightness” of both parties' feelings about the situation. We are not saying we agree with the content, we are simply acknowledging that we heard, and respect, the feelings of the other person.


Here are some questions we can use to help us make sure that our communication is clear:


* What did you hear me say? (Listener responds with a recap.)
* Is this what I heard you say? (Listener summarizes what they heard and asks speaker to verify accuracy.)
* Is it possible that you are feeling _______________? (Both should make sure their assumptions about the feelings of the other are accurate.)
* I am curious. Tell me more. (Give the other person a chance to expand on their perspective.)
* Thanks for clarifying. I missed that point. To be clear, do you mean _________? (A good response as all are working to get closer to the point they are trying to make.)
* Based on your response, I am concerned that I was unclear. Can I try again?


CHALLENGE: I wonder if you are frustrated and wondering why communication has to be this hard? All this poking and prodding at word choices...are we all getting to sensitive? No. We are getting wiser! Relationships matter. Jesus had a lot to say about that when he prioritized love of God, others and self as the greatest commandment. So friends, chop chop. Get busy. Time to up our game.