Learn to properly judge how "big" an event is

My friend Linda and I have learned to improve our listening to one another by taking into account my limitations. My personality can get pretty worked up if I think there is a threat to our community. I can be reactive in this way. There are many reasons for this, but I will not bore you with my issues.

Conversely, Linda has a flare for the dramatic. She enjoys using words like “disaster.” Most of the time she is poking fun at an annoying situation; most of the time we both think it is funny. But sometimes it short-circuits our communication.

I asked Linda to help me by saving the word for real world problems. We decided the printer running out of ink was not a disaster but someone over-dosing in the bathroom might be a BIG problem. We decided that running out of orange juice on Sunday mornings was not a disaster but the death of someone in our community was a disaster.

Basically, the two of us are working on intensity.

Here are some examples of how to NOT either overstate or understate an issue.

* That sounds a bit confusing.
* You must be somewhat upset.
* You kind of doubt whether he is being truthful.
* You seem a little nervous.

Need more intensity?
* You seem very confident about that opinion.
* There is a lot going on.
* You’re really irritated.
* That will definitely not work.

I sometimes amplify my comments beyond reason when I feel unheard. But lately I’ve been realizing that amplifying my comments in the hope that it will improve listening is like me yelling louder in English at a person who only speaks Portugese.