Marriage as a Mirror

We do not practice our shortcomings in isolation. One of my issues is this habit of getting defensive when challenged. Large or small, any hint of somebody getting too close to my humanity and threatening my fragile ego freaks me out. I understand why I developed such a talent for this strategy and I admit that it is hard to let it go. I can show myself grace over this AND my step work invites me to live differently.

One of the most obvious places it shows up is in my marriage. My husband will offer me a suggestion for improving something - like loading the dishwasher, or how to use my car’s blinker when changing lanes. I am always tempted to come back with something snarky like, “Well, if you are so great at loading the dishwasher, do it yourself!” The problem with that defense is that he loads and unloads the dishwasher way more often than I do. You see my dilemma. I do not want to bite the hand that so often loads my dishwasher with excellence. The truth is, I resent any suggestions for improvement because I do not like to think about all the ways in which I could improve. It is far easier to think about my husband’s limitations and blame him for being so full of….suggestions.

Humility reminds me that I am only responsible for recognizing the truth about myself. I repeat: humility is the capacity to recognize the truth about myself. Period. Full stop. This provides me with a much-needed boundary for behaving. I am responsible for myself; I am responsible to others. My attention rightfully returns to working my own program.

How has selfishness, self-seeking, dishonesty and fear negatively impacted your willingness and ability to look at your own limitations?