Uncomfortably Aware

Another thing about prayer and meditation. It seems to support the hard work of self-awareness. When we sit and breathe, it is hard NOT to notice our anxiety, rage, frustration and resentment. When exhausted it is hard NOT to notice that we perhaps fall asleep in the middle of a 20 minute sit. It is hard NOT to notice our itchy nose or obsessive thoughts.

We add to our suffering when we try to ignore our pain. Our compulsions are ways we work to avoid noticing. The eleventh step is saying, “Notice. Pay attention. This pain will not kill you but avoiding it is definitely bad for your health.” Avoiding acknowledging our pain CAN kill us. It increases our suffering and our suffering demands relief without resolution. Acknowledging our feelings helps reduce resentment. It soothes our anxiety.

The longer I avoid scratching my itchy nose the more miserable the itch. It’s almost as if the mere admission that I FEEL this, that or the other thing allows the emotion to stand down. If I keep ignoring it, that which demands my attention gets louder and more obnoxious. Meditation helps us notice the things we are avoiding.

Another fun fact about meditation. It turns out that when we practice, our brain lights up in the same way that it does when we are experiencing a secure attachment relationship.

This validates our hope that we CAN improve our conscious contact with God. We are making a connection! If isolation is part of the disease of SUD, doesn’t it make sense that connection is part of the treatment?