Validation is Not (Necessarily) Agreement

From yesterday: Validation is the process of communicating to another person that, however it is they are responding to life circumstances, their response is natural.

Now, you may say to yourself, surely not all experiences are okay to have. What if someone’s “experience” tells them to commit murder? Should we validate that?

Validation is not the same thing as agreeing with another person. It is also not the same thing as saying that the other person is always correct or that their thoughts, feelings, perceptions, or experiences are “good.” It is simply a way of saying, “You are not incorrect to have the unique experience you are having even if it is quite dark.”

So, if someone you know wants to commit murder, it’s not hard to imagine that person is angry. And, if they’re angry, they might also be fearful. Validation would be to say, “It’s hard to be so angry, or so afraid, that you want to hurt someone.”

Do you see the difference between validation and agreement? Agreement says: Yep. You should kill someone. Validation says: It’s okay to be a human being who struggles, who hurts, and who wants to lash out.

And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. 25 Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25, CEB