Qualities of a Good Mediator

“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.”

Brene Brown

Michelle learned in her mediation classes that a good mediator stays neutral, leads with facts, does not attack or accuse. They stick to behaviors without making judgments.

When Michelle decided that the pain of the unspoken embarrassment about the golf weekend was more than she could stand, she took a second run at Kevin. This time, she got her facts straight before she circled back to Kevin.

It KILLED her that all her girlfriends had more information than she did about what happened. Although she had tried to appear nonchalant initially, eventually she had to go to her most trusted friend in the group and get vulnerable.

“I am very uncomfortable and it is affecting all my relationships in the group. You guys know more than I do about the debacle. Kevin is mum. I know this is probably not something you want to share, you may feel like it is gossip, but at this point, doesn’t it seem that the cat is out of the bag and I’m left holding the bag?” Her friend agreed and shared the facts. Michelle was better prepared to talk to Kevin. Tomorrow you will hear what she said, which we actually know because she took notes and memorized a script. Sometimes when things are so very important, this is helpful.

* What facts do you need to gather? What judgments and assumptions do you need to set aside before proceeding with problem solving?

PS. All the blogs about mediation were inspired by a talk given by Denise Carl during a Family Education Meeting one Thursday evening, on August 27th. She referenced Robert Myers as the original source. Mistakes in interpreting Denise’s teaching are all mine. Hers was perfect.