Day 18: The Gift of Presence

One of the best gifts any of us could give or receive this year is the gift of presence - even if it requires us to be creative in making that happen. Spiritual friends learn how to set aside their own preoccupations and distractions. They listen, opening themselves up to the experiences of others. Mature spiritual friends have the awareness to attune themselves to the presence of God in the conversation as well. Soul companions learn how to give and receive dialogue. They consider conversation a sacred trust – cherishing, nurturing and holding the privilege as sacred.

I regret my youthful perspective when it came to my grandparents. As they aged, they were forced to make concessions in light of their declining health (which in my youth I could not understand). My grandmother bought a small, artificial tree. It was hideous, scantily clad with a stingy array of fake pine needles (dyed white) and a few miserly lights. It made Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree look like an award winner. I fussed and fussed about the tree. I told my grandmother in no uncertain terms that this particular tree was an affront to the meaning of Christmas.

Here’s what I wish I had known to do instead. I wish I had put down my childish ways and paid attention to what the tree was teaching me. My grandmother was getting tired. She was laying all earthly things aside. She hadn’t lost her Christmas Spirit, so much as she had learned that all the hoorah surrounding the commercialization of Christmas was meaningless. I could have learned a lot from her if I had listened better. My grandmother was getting to the essence of what is most important in life, not giving up the gift of Christmas cheer.

Again, when we know better, we do better.

I never thought my mother, the Queen of Christmas Cheer, would fall victim to the tabletop Christmas tree. But she did. When she started chortling about her clever way of throwing a sheet over that tiny tree and having Bob haul it to the basement for easy decorating the next Christmas, I knew this time what I was seeing. I applauded her ingenuity. I marveled at how those ornaments seemed to cooperate with the move up and down the stairs with Bob’s hurried steps. I knew in my gut that my mother was not well.

When we know better, we do better.