Don’t Get Stuck!

Another really unhelpful strategy is pretending pain doesn't hurt. If something matters to us, and it is not going well, it should bother us! Denying that we experience stress prevents us from dealing with the stress. I have a friend who has really suffered in recent years. When we chat, she tells me, "I have this! I can handle it! I am fine!"

She is not fine. In the heat of a moment, we may need to say, "I can get through this. I will be fine." This is a strategy for dealing with the stressful situation. But it does not heal the ill-effects of the stress. After the dust settles, we need to circle back around and acknowledge our stress, worry, frustration, rage and despair. Today, I have lost all interest in the stressful situations that drove me over the edge of my capacity to cope.

But there was a time when I needed to admit about how these events affected me. To be clear, this was not what ultimately repaired my heart, mind, and soul. But it was a necessary early step to admit how devastating several key events had been in my life rather than avoid the reality of the situation. I am not talking about endless rumination. That is the opposite of what we need to do, because the body experiences rumination as reliving the trauma. It's like deliberately sticking your finger in an electric outlet expecting not to get zapped.

Here's how to talk without ruminating. Instead of repeating ad infinitum the EVENTS or the faults of the people in the event, talk about how the event made you FEEL, what you thought about said event, and how you reacted. Self-observe. What can you learn about yourself? Using this method, we do not re-traumatize ourselves by repeating a story that - let's face it - everyone already knows. But what we are doing is giving ourselves an opportunity to deal with the stress by taking full responsibility for our life.

What about you? Are you avoiding admitting something that is stressful for you? Are you ruminating over a stressful event? Fine. It's fine wherever you are in the process. Just don't get stuck. Keep walking!