The Cycle Continues…
In Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book Burnout - the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, they explain what this strange thing is and how we can use this knowledge to heal ourselves and support the healing of others. This information has proven helpful to me.
During the pandemic our community shut its doors and went to all virtual meetings for a solid year. During that time, people died and needed burying. Women had miscarriages. Children overdosed. Jobs were lost. Childcare became tricky for working parents. Weddings were planned and then postponed. There was no predictable end date when we could "get back to normal." People held different opinions on how we should approach this problem.
We are a hugging, hanging out kind of community. Many of us attend AA, NA, OA or another A. It's drummed into our heads that connection is key for survival. Zoom does not feel like connection. We are an economically diverse community - not everyone could connect virtually. It was a hot mess. And a chronic stressor. Every morning we woke up to the same chronic stress.
Our families had needs and we could not meet them in the same way we typically address needs. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but when people are really stressed out, their brains do not necessarily connect the dots. Pandemics make everything weird, which is fine so long as life is pretty normal otherwise. But what do you do when the funeral home tells you that visitors are not welcomed or masks are required and your spouse's side of the family believes that masks are the tool of the devil? This really happens!
Enter social appropriateness. A pastor cannot run just because we feel like hiding. A pastor cannot punch a guy in the face just because he calls you an abomination for wearing a mask. But our stress response does indeed tell us to run, punch, yell, kick, bite...survive. (Just so you know: pastors are NOT their job title.)
I remember one time when a guy at a conference I was speaking at tried to touch my breasts by using an excuse about adjusting my microphone. I averted the situation but I did not stop my stress cycle because I was polite. This does not complete the stress cycle.
What are we to do? We have to figure out how to complete the stress cycle or the chronic stress will figure out how to drop us to our knees.
To be continued…
