Your "Other" is Not the Problem!
Yesterday’s blog included this statement: “My self-evaluations (accountability) show the impact “other” is having on my responsibilities - and I am responsible for figuring out how to adjust to that so that I can continue to live by my core values, as expressed through my responsibilities.”
This is the OPPOSITE of how I used to think, and will think again today if I am not super duper careful about my doing my work of managing me. My old way of living sounded more like this old example from my life.
About ten years into our marriage we joined a gym. One that costs money. My frugal spouse did what you would expect - he figured out how to get to the gym every day. This was because if you pay for a gym membership, McBeans believe you use it. And, if you say you want to work on your physical fitness, you do it. At least, Pete McBean thinks and does these things.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t figure out how to get to the gym every week, much less every day. We had a newborn, a four year old, and an eight year old. I had heard a rumor that child protective services is picky about hanging your kids up on a hook in the den and telling them to hang out until you get back from the gym. It just never seemed like there was a right time for me to get a workout in.
I grew increasingly resentful of Pete’s workout. This is an example of looking to “other” to solve the problem of “me”. I stewed. I ruminated over how selfish Pete was; how he didn’t care enough to figure out how I could get my workouts in. Soon, my internal mutterings were slipping out sideways. I would give him the cold shoulder after he came back from the gym; I would make sarcastic comments - I suspect you can picture this routine.
Finally, Pete called a halt to this nonsense. I resisted maturity and problem solving, preferring to pout and blame. But eventually even I could self-evaluate and see that I was asking Pete to be responsible for me. Soon, we were coordinating schedules. We figured out how to use the childcare (which in those days involved a corral-like structure in the corner of the gym with no adult supervision - one step up from a hook). The point is, we figured it out and no children were permanently scarred from their mother figuring out how to hop on a treadmill for twenty minutes three times a week. My “other” - our schedule, my husband’s habits, my children’s needs - was not the problem. My lack of taking responsibility for asking for what I needed and wanted was the problem. And...there was another issue which revealed itself as I took tiny first steps toward responsibility for my own wellbeing. I discovered I was reluctant to commit to working out. I was ambivalent about going to the gym. This truly, truly was a “me” issue to be sorted out.
How might you be using “other” as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for developing your awesome self?
