What Are You Missing?

“Courage is contagious. A critical mass of brave leaders is the foundation of an intentionally courageous culture. Every time we are brave with our lives, we make the people around us a little braver and our organizations bolder and stronger.”

Brene Brown

We live in troubling times, to deny that is just silly. But I wonder what else we are denying, missing or ignoring that is beyond silly and is downright foolish. Want to change the culture? We can start with being “brave with our lives”!

When I deny my responsibility to be part of the solution, I am diminishing myself and the God who made me. Michelle took responsibility for her life and it helped her husband evaluate his life too.

When I believe that my opinions might hold sway with another, I am distracting myself from the work of holding people when they stumble and sway. Kevin had many issues that sunk him into a depression he was self-medicating. Once he sought some outside help, many voices reminded him of how much he was loved and deserved care.

When I ask for the world to ease my anxiety and “be better,” I am asking the wrong question and directing it at the wrong people. I am responsible for my feelings and I can only ask myself to evaluate and execute the call to “be better” by “doing better” - which no doubt must look different for each one of us. Ultimately, I am in awe of Michelle and Kevin and their friends. They all played a part in renewing all the relationships that were involved.

When I ask you to change, I am rude. Michelle’s request for Kevin to change caused resentment, her willingness to name her own needs led to change.

When I refuse to hear your request for me to change, I am missing an opportunity to learn. Kevin could have refused to negotiate, but he didn’t!

Often in relationships change will be a two-way street. But when we keep making it about the other person, we really are heading for a collision.