The Relief of Failure
Perhaps you remember Winston Churchill's quote about failing over and
over with great enthusiasm. This is a mighty fancy reframe of failure that is actually helpful for closing the stress cycle. Once I acknowledged that I was a failure at the very work I had poured myself into for over 20 years, I felt a certain relief, and freedom. My body sighed. Finally. Sounds painful? Yes, it was and IS painful. But not stressful. The stress was when I kept trying to ignore the fact that I am a failure. And trust me, when someone I have known for decades calls me lazy because as a pastor I did not create a parking lot and then host church there during a pandemic - I failed. I failed to communicate what it means to be a Christian and maybe even a pastor for those decades prior to the pandemic. I failed.
During the US Open of 2021 Novak Djokovic was going for a true Grand Slam - winning four Grand Slams in a year and this one was the final jewel he needed to complete his march to victory. During the middle and at the conclusion of the cameras caught him crying. He was not losing after the first set, or the second, he was in the match AND he cried. When he lost, he cried more. Understanding as we do about the stress cycle, Djokovic was closing his cycle with his tears. He described it as a feeling of relief that the pressure was over. I'm sure he was disappointed, but mainly, according to him, he was just relieved. The pressure to succeed was far more stressful than the effort it took him to win, and lose, matches.
I understand. That's how I feel as a failed pastor. It's a relief. I am continuing to fail with great enthusiasm as a pastor. I'm also pursuing a new way of serving that I am excited to try. I could not have taken this course of action so long as I could not admit to my own failings. I have redefined failure for myself as I have stumbled across the surprising benefits of reframing failure as an opportunity. It still hurts; it is still painful; but it is not a waste of suffering. On a teeny tiny scale, like Djokovic, I am relieved that I tried as hard as I could, failed, and can now freely re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok, this is hard. Do it anyway. What's not working for you? Where are you failing? If you need to tell someone, write or call or come over to my house and play pickleball while you unburden yourself by telling me your failings - I am here and ready to listen. I promise. I know you are not lazy.
